After Labor Day, September becomes a month that triggers a spontaneous whimsy in me that I attribute to some Pavlovian imprint from my hedonistic years. It is rooted in grade school-era visits to autumn apple orchards, indulging in cider and coffee; naked collegiate nighttime soirees in apple orchards, indulging in spiked cider and coffee; the return of the doughnut as an acceptable carbohydrate to the diet.

Some of the best local apples and cider comes from two of the oldest apple orchards in West Michigan. Instead of picking up some hum-drum cider at your grocer, try some from the farm in Kent City at Fruit Ridge Hayrides (11966 Fruit Ridge Ave.). This scenic farm has been operating for more than 125 years. A great excuse to come would be around the third week of September, when owners Kirk and Nancy Briggs launch the Fall Harvest Festival. Families can enjoy corn mazes, horse-drawn hay rides, pony rides, all the apples or pumpkins one could pick, and award-winning apple cider.

Sitting on the outskirts of Grand Rapids lies Robinette's Apple Haus and Winery (3142 4 Mile Rd. NE). The family farm opened in 1911, producing a variety of fruit — cherries, peaches, apricots, nectarines and apples. A bakery, lunch counter and cider mill, collectively known as The Apple Haus, opened in 1973 and was followed by a winery in 2006. The winery produces several nice wines and hard ciders, including Pictured Rocks Semi-Dry Blush, Dessert Pear Wine and Barzilla's Brew Hard Cider, named after original orchard owner Barzilla Robinette.

During the day, visit the Apple Haus and the lunch counter for stuffed pepper soup, cherry walnut chicken as a sandwich or a plate, a ham and cheese, or a turkey club croissant with lettuce, tomato, bacon, Swiss cheese, and ranch dressing. Every entree is served with chips, a pickle, and, of course, an apple. Also available are the days pick of apples, jams and jellies, and their famed cider by the jug.

Although cider mills can produce some exemplary doughnuts to complement their cider, I prefer to go out of my way for the best in fried rolled-dough excellence. Sweetwater's Donut Mill (3333 Stadium Dr.) opened in Kalamazoo in 1983. It spawned two other locations by 1990. Constantly named to greatest doughnut lists throughout America, Sweetwater's is open 24 hours to satiate you with one of 55 flavors. Must-haves include the Black Forest (cherry filling with chocolate crum), Honey Dip Glazed, Reeses (chocolate cake topped with peanut butter crème and more chocolate) and the Snickers (chocolate cake topped with vanilla icing, toffee, and even more chocolate).

For those unlucky bastards that don't live in either Kalamazoo or Battle Creek to enjoy Sweetwater's triumph of baked goodness, I offer up a Kent County alternative. Marge's Donut Den (1751 28th St. SW, Wyoming) has been pleasing plenty of people over the past 35 years. Owner and lead baker Marge Wilson has developed an eyebrow-lifting doughnut menu which borrows from Marge's wedding cake expertise. Highlights of Marge's decadent doughnut menu include a chocolate covered cherry cake donut, apple and blueberry fritters, elephant ears, glazed and toasted coconut patty, and an autumnal must. A fried cinnamon apple swirl. Cupcakes, muffins, Danishes, turnovers, brownies and cookies are also available for those in a non-doughnut mood.

The smoke has lifted from 76 Coffee (1507 Wealthy St. SE) in Grand Rapids' Eastown neighborhood, revealing freshly painted, non-nicotine stained walls and baristas that are 25% more attractive. Those that have avoided the coffee here due to the once permanent nicotine cloud-bank or because they don't carry cash should come back to enjoy fresh air and the "now accepting credit" card machine. Here you can enjoy a laid back cup of Joe and digest the day with good music, art, and atmosphere.

Although the shop has been through several name changes (Gold Coffee, Morningstar 76), the fair trade organic Arabica and Robusto beans have remained the same for a decade and come direct from a family farm in what is considered the worldwide capital of coffee-Coatepec, Mexico. Coffee beans are roasted on site and are available by the pound for $10. There are many drinks gracing the menu and, when pressed for what to sample, Owner Ryan Van offers up two recent additions. One is a Tri-Force; several shots of espresso loaded with three different types of chocolate. For a second choice, Van suggests a drink for those who prefer something cooler during the warmer half of September-the Future Librarian-a chilled soy latte of honey and coconut. If not in the coffee mood, cider steamed with a double dose of caramel syrups for good measure is always an option.

Photo: Brittany Jacques

Sitting in my cabin up north, where the walls are lined with dead mammals, I couldn't help but think of hiring a taxidermist to wall-mount my favorite dishes for the kitchen. My first Chateau Briand steak lingering in limbo with wood-fired asparagus would hang next to my first Weber-grilled T-bone; Venetian gelato in a Dixie cup could sit next to an old Sweetland's malted. Of course, this décor would change with the seasons. I have, however, hit a wall selecting which barbecue cut to include within my dead barbecue menagerie and have opted to include all of the following.

Barbacoa, a term from Floridian natives, and from which we derive the more commonplace term barbecue, literally means "sacred fire pit" and is exactly how to explain the grills at Sandmann's (1200 Wealthy St. SE, Grand Rapids). Chances are you've already smelled this place on a breezy day when the grills are out and smoking. Opened in 2000 by Randal Sandifer and Ursula Mann-Sandifer, Sandmann's (named after the concoction of both surnames) has won award after award for prize-winning barbecue and has been asked to grill in Grand Rapids' hotter Italian sister city of Perugia for several years in a row.

Where to get your BBQ fix: Sandmann's 1200 Wealthy St. SE, Grand Rapids sandmanns.com, (616) 459-0900 Twisted Rooster 1600 E. Beltline NE, Grand Rapids twisted-rooster.com, (616) 301-8171 Hog Wild BBQ 154 W. Lakewood Blvd., Holland hogwildbbq.net, (616) 394-WILD Sonny's BBQ Pit 889 W. Columbia Ave., Battle Creek sonnysbbqpit.com, (269) 660-6225

Meat here is slow-smoked over a charcoal grill and the sides are like granny used to make. Saddle up some southern style spare ribs by the slab or viciously delve into a complete and never-dry chicken. Jumbo chicken wings, gizzards, and plenty of seafood options exist, but the must-haves are the Rib Tips-this house specialty of bite-sized pork brisket with a signature smoky sauce is succulent and tangy. And for those DIYers, you can bring home a bottle of Sandmann's BBQ Sauce for your own homemade delight for the Mondays it's closed, or when its catering is overbooked.

Just a jaunt away, the brand new Twisted Rooster (1600 E. Beltline NE, Grand Rapids) has joined Local First with an entirely Michigan menu. Executive Chef Mark Noseda has developed more than 500 items and whittled it down to a mere 50 impeccable dishes. His genius at work has produced several barbecue plates that will surely become as notorious as they are decadent and all are available for a meager price that will preferably force out certain chains from the greater area. The Twisted Pulled Pork Sandwich is dry rubbed, braised, and sits in 250° for at least six hours in a spicy, smokey, sweet and vinegar barbecue sauce that, when done, creeps and finishes its bouquet of flavor in a manner reserved for premium whiskey lovers. It is served with a side of tangy coleslaw comprised of capellini noodles with a subtle crunch bringing authentically new sensations to the land of 'slaw. The BBQ Chicken and Gouda Quesadilla is another item, with grilled and carmelized onion, aforementioned smoked gouda, brined and applewood smoked chicken with cilantro, apple juice, brown sugar and that damn fine twisted barbecue sauce with a side of grilled sweet corn.

Love barbecue so much that you just gotta have it daily? Check out the daily specials at Hog Wild BBQ of Holland (154 W. Lakewood Blvd.) for a week's worth of food on the cheap. All meat is slow-cooked over hickory in a Friedrich pit (one of the oldest smokehouse makers). Monday and Tuesdays feature a Pulled Pork BBQ Sandwich for $2.99 or a six-piece Chicken Wing basket available in fire, hot, mild, barbecue, teriyaki, or bourbon sauces. Wednesdays and Thursdays have a Roasted Half Chicken or Half Rack of Baby Back Ribs and Friday and Saturdays have a 3 Meat Sampler of pork, chicken and sausage. Oh, and Holland Hospital is about two miles down 31 on Michigan Ave. for those of you with beefy hearts.

Want to eat by the tray or study a phantasmagorial sandwich menu? Check out Sonny's BBQ Pit (889 W. Columbia Ave., Battle Creek) for an $85 plate of Barbecue Meatballs to split among friends. Don't want that many? OK, have a Charger '69, a sandwich of meatballs smothered in the house barbecue sauce with plenty of toppings and garnishes that could feed a starving village for decades. Hot and BBQ Wings are available at 50 cents a pop and make those phony flipper buffalo baby wings at chains obsolete. The Chrysler Windsor '56 is a grilled barbecue chicken sandwich, and the Ford Coupe '30 is a barbecue brisket and cheese sandwich devised for those with wide, long belts. Just don't blow a head gasket pulling out of the parking lot with your new added weight.

Photo: Twisted Rooster's BBQ Roasted Baby Back Ribs in Twisted BBQ Sauce with Mexican BBQ Baked Beans and Grilled French Bread

 

 

Ah, July ... when the rank gym sock and week-old kitty litter-like funk of month-old sweat steeps into your nostrils in an un-air conditioned apartment prone to carpenter ants. It's time to get a dose of good, cold food before your constant head-in-the-fridge relief results in Freon poisoning, hypoxia and freezer burn.

Owner-Operators Keith and Lisa Langdon's Full City Cafe Restaurant & Catering (2026 Parkview, Kalamazoo and 7878 Oakland Dr., Portage) is a delicatessen marvel where salads are ethereal. Keith has worked previously as Muhammad Ali's personal chef and Lisa has learned tricks from Grandma and culinary team world champ member Chef Fraz. Fresh from scratch local ingredients, together with Keith and Lisa's intimate knowledge, have kept Full City filling Kzoo County stomachs since last century.

Present and popular for more than 15 years, the must-do here is to order a plate of Apricots and Chicken. This seasonally fresh green super salad features natural chicken breast (free of hormones and steroids) and dried Turkish apricots, toasted almonds, sweet red onions, tomatoes, seedless cucumbers, is topped with Feta cheese and a homemade balsamic dressing to drool for. The term “balsamic” supposedly means “life-giving” or “restorative” and, although I think it is the whole dish here, the dressing is better than any store brand and the medley of flavors present, coupled with the lightness of the salad, make for perfect summer fare. If that doesn't sound right, the Strawberry Chicken Salad ought to, alternating apricots for strawberries, balsamic for raspberry poppy seed vinaigrette, and the almonds for candied pecans.

For something a little different, head over to Grand Rapids gem San Chez, A Tapas Bistro (38 W. Fulton St.), for some gazpacho and sangria. San Chez is a restaurant with ethical standards I could never live up to: it has a wide menu for the allergic, is a member of the EPA's Green Power Partnership long before going green was a national phenomena, a member of WasteWise, has worked with Grand Rapids' recycling center since 1999, and is a strong purveyor of community involvement. Regardless of Owner Dan Gendler's reservation in heaven, San Chez has some of the best chilly good summer treats. Ladle up a cup of Gazpacho Andaluz, a classic take on the cold Spanish tomato-base soup, chock full of cucumbers, tomatoes, peppers and more. If you have more of a sweet tooth, opt for the Gazpacho De Frutas Frescas, a chilled fruit soup with fresh mangoes, dried cherries and hints of cinnamon. For alcoholics, a pitcher of sangria (wine, citrus juices, triple sec, and brandy) will help keep the heat off, but not the 5-0.

Gelato is an European ice cream with very little air whipped into low butterfat cream and cannot be replicated in the United States outside of the 49408 zip code because of topographical physics and magic (or so I think). This oddity has led Fennville's Palazzolo's Artisan Gelato & Sorbet (413 Third St., Fennville) to open in 1986 by Marie Palazzolo and her son Pete, who make each pan of Gelato to order without any artificial ingredients. This may not seem like much, but it has more than 600 flavors — that's 600 HANDMADE FLAVORS — to choose from. If you have been to Italy and have missed this authentic summer staple, it actually exists in Michigan.

In direct opposition to gelato is a high butterfat ice cream easily found at the Plainwell Ice Cream Co. (621 E. Bridge St., Plainwell). Not as large as its Hudsonville neighbors, Plainwell offers a smaller yet stiff competition. It serves the ideal head freeze — inducing dishes, cones, banana splits and sundaes we've all grown up on in the familiar flavors of our summer childhoods: Blue Moon, French Silk, Butter Pecan, Superman, Lemon Chiffon, as well as some not-so-ordinary flavors: Cotton Candy, Toasted Coconut, Caribbean Caramel and more.

Marilyn's Malts & More (6749 E. Fulton, Ada) is just a 25-minute drive down Fulton Street from San Chez. Latch onto a Salsa Dog for some substance (an original hotdog concoction covered in lettuce, tomato, cheese, and salsa) before you overdose on Owner Marilyn Roger's soft-serve malted masterpieces, flavored sodas, or floats. Suck down a traditional Brown Cow (blended vanilla ice cream and root beer), a Boston Cooler (blended vanilla ice cream and ginger ale), or a Firehouse Rock (orange sherbet and Sprite). Also up for those with indecisive palates is a Color Burst — any eight flavors of ice cream heaped onto a cone — a dream come true for your dentist when he pries sprinkles and a chunk of waffle cone from the hollow stump of molar you call a tooth.

Photos: San Chez and Plainwell Ice Cream Co., shot by Seth Thompson

Cinco de Mayo commemorates the Battle of Puebla on May 5, 1862, when the Mexican army prevailed over French forces, only to keep fighting for a few more years over unpaid bills. For gringos like me, this means partying it up with Corona specials, burning unkempt cuticles with lime rinds, and tequila body shots slurped off my body by underage girls I'd not touch if it weren't for those margaritas and that rigorous Catholic schooling. In reality, this meager holiday allows us to enjoy America's comfort food, whether authentic cilantro-laden beef tongue tacos, or muy cheesy Tex-Mex nachos, this nationality has its grip on more American menus than any other.

Cancun Restaurant 1518 Grandville Ave. SW, Grand Rapids (616) 248-2824 Big Burrito 5036 W. KL Ave., Kalamazoo thebigburrito.com, (269) 372-2442 Flamingo's Restaurant 1163 E. Laketon Ave., Muskegon (231) 722-1679 Tres Lobos 381 Douglas Ave., Holland (616) 355-7424 825 28th St. SE, Grand Rapids (616) 245-5389 treslobosrestaurant.com Mexicali Restaurant 595 W. Columbia Ave., Battle Creek mexicalibattlecreek.com, (269) 963-8188

As Lansing has Georgio's and Grand Rapids has Yesterdog, Kalamazoo also has late night bar-closing cuisine, á la The Big Burrito (5036 W. KL Ave.). Aside from its Americanized burritos, tacos, quesadillas, and tostadas, the must-have here is the Torta Sandwich-a handmade Mexican roll with beans, lettuce, tomato, onions, cheeses, avocado, pickled jalapenos and mayo with your choice of meat. For those with a never-ending appetite, indulge in the Don't Even Think About It burrito with extra meat for $23.99. That includes beans, lettuce, tomatoes, onions, cheeses, sour cream, with your choice of beef, chicken, steak, chorizo pork, fish, steak and egg, or chorizo and egg and a chance to reenact the gluttony scene in Se7en.

Hidden on the west side of Grand Rapids, Cancun Restaurant (1518 Grandville Ave. SW) may require you to brush up on your Spanish to accurately explain your order so you don't end up with a malt and fresh oysters. At this hole-in-the-wall, you probably won't notice the swordfish and sharks adorning the walls, or the shellfish mobiles suspended from the ceiling. You may not be able to hear the jukebox either; you'll be too busy scolding yourself for overindulging in fast food for far too long. Tacos here are stripped of the American makeover, and what remains is the subtle elegance of onion and cilantro, an array of six chile pepper sauces and lime for individual taste, double wrapped tortilla and served open-face for $1. The tamales (tamal, technically) are similar in approach, with simple corn dough and chunks of pork, chicken, or beef. Cancun also features a children's menu with burgers, etc. but that would just be an insult to the magic that's harnessed in the kitchen.

Opened by Evencio Sanchez in 1983, the appropriately named Mexicali Restaurant (595 W. Columbia Ave., Battle Creek) serves up a delicious mix of Mexican and Californian entrees most Americans mistake as pure Mexican. Here, you can sit against the wall murals and design your own combination plate, whether you prefer chalupas, chimichangas, flautas, enchiladas, or empanadas, have it made with sour cream, jalapenos, guacamole, and pico de gallo, served with a side of Spanish rice, refried beans, and queso (cheese). For something new, try the House specials, either the Rollito Mariachi for your favorite ingredients in a new way or the Chicken Mole (mole is a thin sauce, not a rodent from your yard) and then try flan for dessert-cream caramel with whipped cream and more caramel.

At Flamingo's Restaurant (1163 E. Laketon Ave.), Uncle Al's Chips ‘n' Cheese will meet that nacho need, pronto. A staple of Muskegon, these tortillas are loaded with your choice of meat, cheese, tomatoes, green peppers, hot peppers, onions, mushrooms and beans, smothered in meat gravy. As opposed to Cancun's tacos, Flamingo's are Americanized variants with lettuce, cheese and tomato, with choices of barbacoa (slow cooked) pork, beef, and chicken. Even better, they're on sale for $1 every Monday, Tuesday and Thursday after 4 p.m.

For a more relaxed dining experience, check out Tres Lobos Mexican Cuisine (381 Douglas Ave., Holland and 825 28th St. SE, Grand Rapids). Complimentary chips and salsa will start you off (and help sober you up after too many decadent margaritas) as an appetizer, but I'd rather skip to their Ceviche de Camaron, an appetizer of shrimp diced with onions, tomato, cilantro, and jalapenos with lemon juice, served with chips. After wolfing that down, I heavily suggest you sample the seafood menu. Huachinango a la Veracruzano is a fried red snapper with veracruzana sauce (a salsa-like tomato sauce) and is quite different than what you could find elsewhere. Tres Lobos has live entertainment every Friday and Saturday night and if that and the menu isn't enough to bring you out, may el chupacabra get you and your goats.