Opinion (4)
The City Got $15 Million and All We Got was the Guitar Guy
Written by Stad DiPonzi
Next year will mark the tenth anniversary of the steam-shovel sex change that turned walkable Monroe Mall into driveable Monroe Center.
The project itself turned downtown into a Beirut-esque war zone of rebar, concrete dust and diesel fumes. During the work, some businesses, like the kitchy, kick-ass salad bar Three Crowns, had to relocate (and later close, sob).
Now, 10 years later, was it worth it? With the analysis pretty much left to me, the results break down like this:
Final cost of Monroe cluster: $15 million.
Final value: dubious and doubtful, and here's why...
The GRAM and Rosa Parks Circle could have gone up and functioned very nicely with or without street traffic. While I am tempted to point out that such family destinations would be safer without the street, I will simply say the addition of traffic added nothing to these sites. Similarly, the sweetheart deals that put the cops in the old City Center and Blue Cross in the Steketee's building were gonna happen anyway. These big pretty projects didn't need Monroe opened.
After the street went in, we gained XO, but lost Yen Ching. The nice bookstore that used to be down by McKay tower is gone, but there is nice one in the Blue Cross building. Up on the east end, restaurants do seem a bit more durable — but I have a feeling that is more due to hundreds of hungry Blue Cross and police employees. These little wins would have happened with or without traffic on Monroe.
Looking west, I am afraid things get uglier. Downtown staples like Herkner's, Blake's Turkey and Four Friends have packed it in. The Mexican restaurant promised for the Herkner space is still M.I.A. Best draw down here is guitar guy, and he is a seasonal attraction.
The bottom line is that it is hard to see what we got for our $15 million. That kind of money could have kept the weekly Calder Plaza festivals going in the summer probably kept some city workers on the job and maybe even covered a fireworks' tab or two. Oh well. The important thing is that we learn from our mistakes. Don't we?
SDP believes the next logical step is to make Monroe Center into Monroe Canal, as the romance and grace of gondola travel will surely jump-start downtown retail!
To: Mr. Tetley
Subject: All the Tea in China
How you doing, geordie? I've been working all the hours in the day and a co-worker mentioned that I should try something called coffee to help me stay awake. I was appalled at first, but after banging my drooping head off my keyboard so much that I now have 'qwerty' imprinted on my cheek, I decided to try it. It's not tea, but it's not bad either.
The office I work at has a big coffee robot that makes the brown stuff all day long and people drink whole flagons of it at a time. They also do not use milk but mostly drink it raw. Tastes like soil to me, so I put something in it called creamer and a bit of sugar to take the edge off. However, after a week of drinking four cups a day, my heart started racing, vision blurred and I got some odd hair growth on my palms, so decided to introduce a kettle to the office kitchen. After fixing myself a lovely red brick coloured cuppa, I turned to see a crowd of timid yanks with small sticks approaching. They prodded and pushed the kettle, confused but intrigued. One of them accidentally clicked the on switch and the majestic boiler sprang into life, causing 'ooohs', 'aaahs' and 'what the hells' to pour forth.
I then gave a short tutorial in tea making:
"Put tea bag in china white cup, add boiling water, add teaspoon of sugar and a splash of skimmed milk and stir. Dispose of teabag, sit back and think of blighty."
The amassed savages then set about perverting hundreds of years of tradition by adding lemons. Yep, lemons! Lemons go in Gin and Tonics, not tea! They also refused to call it just tea, but prefaced it with 'hot'. Finally, they drank it in glasses, not bone china cups. It was like watching someone use the Mona Lisa as a coaster. I got upset and denounced them all as traitors and bigots. They countered with taunts about tea parties and Boston. I've taken my kettle back home until they learn some decorum.
Laters taters.
There is a saying in real estate that you should never believe a highly touted project is real until the steel shows up.
The steel for the Gun Lake casino has shown up, and is going up. Those who tried to kill it (mostly in Grand Rapids) clearly crapped out big time. Those who cheered it on (mostly in Kalamazoo) got what they wanted.
Like coffee, videogames, porn and community radio, gambling is a choice that can be enjoyed or abused to the point of hurting others. It is no more inherently "evil" than your weekly lotto numbers or the 50/50 raffle at your kid's hockey game.
So much of the concern in Grand Rapids was actually about money (what a shock). Many local leaders feared that the casino would pull dollars away from restaurants and hotels, so they sought government intervention to stop the project.
I have lived and worked in communities with multiple casinos. They do touch local economies in a number of ways - many of them positive. Gun Lake will create 1,600 jobs in the region. These are real jobs that people need today, not "maybe someday" jobs from our "emerging alternative energy manufacturing corridor," or similar BS.
A popular scary story is that casinos do not bring in new money, they simply suck profits out, or at best, recycle local dollars. Don't tug too hard on that thread, since you could apply the same logic to Blockbuster, Olive Garden and Macy's. Besides the Gun Lake casino will actually pay community government entities about $2 million per year, so I guess that does make them different.
Given all the old-school hand-wringing over the project, it would be actually be ironic if the Gun Lake casino wound up helping save one of West Michigan's more distressed enterprises - newspapers. In many markets, casinos have had a substantial positive impact on area advertising, buying up large amounts of space, TV time and billboards, pushing prices up in the process.
As newspapers in Kalamazoo, GR and Muskegon just announced even deeper staff cuts, I have to believe the sound of slots in Gun Lake will be music to the ears of ad sales people, deranged from months of trying to squeeze blood from an economic stone.
We should follow their lead and be happy for the help, and be comfortable enjoying blackjack and NPR - in moderation, of course.
SDP is a welcome VIP in most high-end casinos, known for his lavish tipping of short brunette cocktail waitresses and random shouts of "UNO!" during Texas Hold ‘Em.
Subject: We're the Fugawi
Hello petal. They do not teach the kids international geography over here. You could be forgiven for thinking geography might be important if you are the global superpower, responsible for most of the world's trade and military campaigns.
Back before America got a spotty face and started feeling funny when girls with bumps walked past, Brits were in a similar position of economic and military strength as the USA is now. We displayed an arrogant disregard for geography and massive indifference to local customs, lifestyles and traditions and made everyone put up a picture of the Queen, wear bowler hats and drink tea. Normally, failure to drink tea resulted in execution of these uncouth savages. America has just replaced the picture of the Queen with the dollar bill, bowler hats with baseball caps and tea with Starbucks. Failure to drink Starbucks also results in execution, I think.
80% of Britains have passports compared with 20% of Americans. I contest this statistic is misleading, as most of the disparity stems from the fact that England fits easily inside Michigan, has a population of 60 million and the merry folk of the shires and dales have to go somewhere that speaks a different language (i.e. need a passport) to actually get a little sunshine. In fact, I'm pretty sure that a large percentage of the wars and Empire building embarked upon over centuries was primarily in search of a nice beach. (Doesn't really explain the Falkland Islands conflict, but I'm guessing it has something to do with penguins.)
The U.S. of A has deserts, jungles, mountains, plains, snow, sun, tornadoes, hurricanes, earthquakes, poisonous snakes, Mickey Mice, lots of nice beaches and loads of space, so it is understandable that many of them don't feel the need to ever leave these shores. Except, of course, to escape the snakes and earthquakes.
Many Europeans can name most of the countries and cities in Europe, but probably have no clue where Minnesota is. Many Americans can name most of the States and capitals in the USA, but have no clue where Newcastle is. So I suppose in the end we are equals in our geographical xenophobia.
