"If a janitor smokes marijuana, would he be considered high maintenance?" – Stu McCallister

People going to see comedy don’t want to think. They don’t want to hear jokes about the bible.  Some audience only want to hear a series of short, quick, penis jokes which is ironic because God was so short and quick with Mary that they still considered her a virgin.
The bible is interesting in some regards but it’s definitely not something to base your life on.  If you’re going to base your life on something how about ‘traditional American values’ like hard work, dedication and realizing someone will do your hard work cheaper. – RKC

My wife wants to role-play in bed...that's not something that I wanted to do.  Finally, after nagging and nagging, I gave in.  I said "Fine...we'll role-play.  I'll be me, and you be somebody hot!" – Tim “Mad” Mann

I believe that comedy should be short and punchy like a midget boxer.  not long and drawn out like a four-year marriage. - RKC