At some point during the holiday season, you're likely to reach a breaking point. That moment when anything resembling Will Ferrell exclaiming how much he loves syrup or, Heaven forbid, a bratty blonde boy tries to scheme his way into a dangerous BB gun as a present, just brings your blood to a near boil. When that inevitable moment occurs, take solace in the fact that there is a selection of viewing guaranteed to erode all traces of the typical, saccharine Christmas tales from your mind.
Tales from the Crypt, Season 1: Episode 2. "And All Through the House" (1989)
The single most disturbing thing watched during my childhood, this festive fright showcased the classic HBO series in its infancy. What starts as run-of-the-mill murder and double-cross quickly crosses the line into desperate tremors of horror when Santa escapes from the mental hospital and finds an axe. Full of morbid humor and the intense leering of Larry Drake as Santa, this tinsel-strangled tale of terror has images that haunt me to this day.
Silent Night Deadly Night (1984)
A notorious slasher incorrectly credited as one of the British "Video Nasty" films, Silent Night shows the aftermath of a child traumatized when a murderous St. Nick attacks his family. It is hard to understand just what a ruckus this film made upon release, as watching it now, it is almost quaint in how average it is. Still, a twisted, vengeful Santa declaring his victims "Naughty!" before dispatching them is worth the price of admission alone.
Don't Open Til Christmas (1984)
This no-budget British cult gem (also chief inspiration for Edgar Wright's glorious Don't faux trailer in the woefully underappreciated Tarantino/Rodriguez homage Grindhouse) sics a regular Grinch on anyone sporting a Santa suit one London holiday season. A gruesome, sleazy affair, Don't Open is required viewing for anyone that craves a little gore in their eggnog.
Christmas Evil (1980)
Straddling the line between black comedy and horror, Christmas Evil shows just how wrong things can go when a little boy catches Mom doing more than kissing Santa Claus. With axes a-swinging and eyes a-gouging, the film makes the most of its briefly graphic scenes and it all leads to perhaps the most surreal conclusion in holiday horror history, complete with a torch-wielding mob and a van that rockets off into the night sky. And if that isn't bizarre enough, the unhinged, homicidal toymaker is played by Brandon Maggart — a.k.a Fiona Apple's father.
Black Christmas (1974)
A madman stalks and torments the remaining inhabitants of a sorority house in this early film from Bob "Christmas Story" Clark. The quintessential holiday horror film, Black Christmas can also lay claim to the most terrifying phone calls ever recorded, as the psychotic "Billy" gargles disturbing rants to the sorority sisters. With Margot Kidder as the boozy, no nonsense Barb, Black Christmas is the gold standard for seasonal shocks, even rivaling a certain October holiday's famous film.
