World Cup 2010 is just around the corner. To make sure you're prepared, our favorite Brit writer David Smith (who is completely unbiased) created this rundown of all the teams and their chances. (Click on the image below for a large PDF version, or read the text version after the jump.)

Group A

SOUTH AFRICA / Nickname: Bafana Bafana
Possibly the worst host nation side, ever. No chance of getting through the group even with the mad support of the Rainbow Nation. I’d love them to beat the Frenchies — the host nation doing well is always good for a tournament, but I can’t see it happening. Everton’s Steven Pienaar is a decent player.

MEXICO / Nickname: El Tri
Mexico has struggled to qualify and has had more than 300 coaches in the last week. It relies heavily on their talismanic pensioner, Blanco, with the unpronounceable first name of Cuauhtemoc, but the newest coach, Javier Aguire, is bringing a lot of young talent in, so hopefully they will knock the frogs (French) out.

URUGUAY / Nickname: Los Charrúas
Uruguay won the first ever World Cup in 1930. It hasn’t done much since then, but I fancy the dirty buggers to progress to the knockout stages. If not, I’m sure they will break a few legs on the way out.

FRANCE / Nickname: Cheese eating surrender monkeys
This is a team chock full of egos and arrogance. Hopefully, it will get through the group so someone decent can massacre them. There are some decent young players like Benzema and Gourcuff, but no one who can head butt as well as Zidane.

Group B

ARGENTINA / Nickname: La Albiceleste
If you want to see the best player in the world, watch the Argies, but don’t expect beautiful football. They are dirty cheats who love to dive around like girls. It will likely knock England out on penalties, having got Wayne Rooney sent off for farting. Long live the Falklands!

NIGERIA / Nickname: Super Eagles
Nigeria is likely to be a tough team, but it’s probably not in contention for the later rounds. There are some very strong players and some promising youngsters like Ikechukwu Uche and Victor Obinna, but I can’t see them beating Argentina. The team has a Swedish coach, so expect them to be naked a lot.

KOREA REPUBLIC / Nickname: The Taeguk Warriors
Asia’s most successful World Cup nation is characterised by very high energy levels and never giving up — as well as excellent mullets. It also has two good players in Park Ji-Sung of Manchester United and Park Chu-Young. Korea caused quite a stir in the last World Cup, so don’t underestimate them, but do expect them to be bounced all over the field by Nigeria.

GREECE / Nickname: Galanoleyki
Apparently they couldn’t afford to fly to South Africa, so the Greeks hitchhiked through Africa. Greece won Euro 2004 under coach King Otto, but I’d eat my hat if it repeated that feat. Expect Theofanis Gekas to bag a few goals as he was top scorer in European Qualification.

Group C

ENGLAND / Nickname: Three Lions
If Rooney, Lampard and Gerrard stay fit, we can go all the way. We have one of the best coaches and one of the most impressive qualification campaigns of anyone, scoring the most goals — six more than second place Spain. No Beckham for the girls to purr over (he is injured), but they can at least look at beautiful Wayne ‘Shrek’ Rooney.

USA / Nickname: Stars and Stripes
Well drilled and organised by Coach Bob Bradley, USA is a solid international team. It lacks a bit of creativity to dominate games and has its usual easy ride through CONCACAF qualifying (Costa Rica, Honduras, El Salvador, etc.) It lacks firepower to beat the big guns, as its top striker is Jozy Altidore of lowly Hull City in the English Premier League.

ALGERIA / Nickname: Les Fennecs
This is Algeria’s first qualification in 24 years after a nail biting and dramatic playoff with arch rivals Egypt. Strong in the midfield with Captain Yazid Mansouri, Karim Ziani and Mourad Meghni.

SLOVENIA / Nickname: unknown
Slovenia came through a very difficult group and playoff to reach the finals, much of which is due to a great defense. There are a few star players. Watch out for Robert Koren, who has been a good player for West Brom in the English Championship this year.

Group D

GERMANY / Nickname: The Erics
Hasslehof, Lederhosen, porn star moustaches, hairy armpits and sausages. Germany tends to be bloody good at football, though. Lahm, Ballack and Schweinsteiger are classy players, as well as a bunch of Polish lads they stole.

AUSTRALIA / Nickname: The Socceroos
Australia caused lots of problems for teams at the last World Cup and got knocked out in the last minute of its game against eventual winners, Italy. It has a different coach, but pretty much the same team. Tim Cahill scores a lot from midfield and their keeper Schwarzer is on good form.

SERBIA / Nickname: Beli Orlovi (White Eagles)
Serbia won its qualifying group in style over the Froggies in second place. Stankovic and Vidic are at the heart of the team and they have great technical ability on the ball, like most Eastern European teams.

GHANA / Nickname: The Black Stars
One of, if not the best African team in the competition, having won World Cups at under 17 and under 20 levels, so obviously Ghana has a lot of youthful talent to draw upon. It’s super strong in midfield with Essien, Muntari and Appiah.

Group E

NETHERLANDS / Nickname: The Oranje
Ahh, the Dutch. Well supported in the local area, no doubt, the Cloggies are consistently one of the top teams in Europe, but often plagued by ego and a lack of team spirit. Could be one to watch this World Cup as they didnt drop a single point in qualifying, but only if they stop smoking marijuana and picking tulips. Robin van Persie is fit again and Arjen Robben is on good form for Bayern.

DENMARK / Nickname: Danish Dynamite
Denmark came through one of the toughest qualification groups, including the Swedes and Portuguese and has a lot of fighting spirit in the team. Its players are at many of the top European club teams, so there is a lot of experience, and the team won’t be overwhelmed by the World Cup stage.

JAPAN / Nickname: Samurai Blue
Japan has an excellent coach in Okada, who reads the game very well. It has solid players like Nakazawa, Okazaki, Nakamura and Honda (the midfield engine). The team has set its sights on the semi finals, but I will eat raw fish daily for the rest of my life if it makes it that far. Of course, they have crazy fans who scream like Beatlemania never happened, so it’s always nice to see Japan do well.

CAMEROON / Nickname: Indomitable Lions
With Eto’o of Barcelona and Webo, there will be problems upfront, but Cameroon is playing some old timers at the back that are lacking a little speed and mobility. Cameroon’s players were the pioneers of innovative goal celebrations — check out Roger Milla’s corner flag samba from 1990 on YouTube — hopefully they will score some goals and we can see how things have progressed.

Group F

ITALY / Nickname: The Azzurri
Once again, the Italians don’t look like they have much to offer other than being incredibly solid defensively and possessing a huge desire to win. However, they have won four World Cup’ playing like that. They still have the brilliant Buffon in goal, super defender Cannavaro and tireless Gattuso in midfield and not a bad player in the squad, but I don’t see a spark in the team.

PARAGUAY / Nickname: Albirroja
Paraguay had its best ever qualifying campaign, finishing ahead of the Argies, behind Brazil and Chile. Much of that was based on its home form and although it has made it to eight finals, it has have never got beyond the last 16. There’s have a chance to repeat that in this group, but I think that would be it.

NEW ZEALAND / Nickname: All Whites
Its second-ever World Cup! More famous for Rugby and Hobbits, New Zealand’s team is made up of Ryan Nelson, Shane Smeltz and some sheep. Qualified easily against some small island nations, but it does have a cool black alternate uniform.

SLOVAKIA / Nickname: The Fighting Jondas
Slovakia came through a difficult group to qualify for its first World Cup. Hamsik scores a lot of goals from midfield and Sestak is its top striker at the moment. It has a realistic chance to go further, the key game being the Paraguay game.

Group G

BRAZIL / Nickname: A Seleção
The royalty of football. Everyone likes to watch the Brazilians play — flowing and skillful, they play the game the way it was dreamed up to be played. Brazil is the only country to be at every World Cup and has won it a record five times. The Portugal match should be fun. Kaka looks like an Osmond, and their coach is Dunga, which translates as “poop-mover.”

NORTH KOREA / Nickname: Top Secret
Most of the team plays in North Korea, so we don’t know much about them. At least their supreme leader Kim Jung Ill will be happy and maybe stop throwing nukes around for a couple of weeks. Expect a few reprisal attacks against any team that beats them and me for what I just wrote.

IVORY COAST / Nickname: Les Elephants
A fine team. Drogba, Kalou, Kone, Kolo Toure, Eboue, Zokora, Yaya Toure. These fellas are my choice as THE team to cause a lot of upsets. No one will want to play them, and they have a much maligned, but excellent international coach in Sven-Goran Erikssen, provided he keeps it in his pants.

PORTUGAL / Nickname: A Selecção das Quinas
Portugal qualified by the skin of its teeth, a bit surprising when you look at the quality of its squad. They have Ronaldo, the crybaby cheat with the long neck, who is quite brilliant, on his day, maybe even better than Messi, and some excellent players in supporting roles, too.

Group H

SPAIN / Nickname: La Roja
Spain became European Champions after years of under achievement and joint favourites to win along with Brazil. Unlike Brazil, it has an easy group, with maybe only Chile to watch out for. For quick passing, one touch football at its best, watch Spain.

SWITZERLAND / Nickname: Nati
Switzerland was beat by Luxembourg (who?) during its uneasy qualification, so watch out for some odd results here. Can’t see them posing too many problems moving forward and I’d think the winner of their match with Chile will progress in second behind Spain. Switzerland has a good coach in Hitzfeld, so maybe he can get the team playing better than it looks on paper.

HONDURAS / Nickname: Los Catrachos/La Bicolor
Honduras inched through its group thanks to the USA drawing with Costa Rica, in what is a pretty easy qualification system. It has some top flight players in Palacios, Leon and Pavon, but also several weaker ones in the squad.

CHILE / Nickname: La Roja
Numerous away performances bode well for the Chileans and they like to get forward and attack. It has several players who will be looking to make an impression in the “shop window” of the World Cup. Expect some “tasty” defending, especially against the Spaniards.

Fresh off the ice from the Vancouver Winter Olympics and the international stage, the world's best skaters will bring the excitement of their performances for one night only. Champion skaters like Sasha Cohen, Evan Lysacek (newly crowned Olympic gold medalist), Benjamin Agosto, and many more will perform a magical combination of artistry, athleticism, and great music. Event is April 28, 7 p.m. Tickets: $27.50, $47.50, $77.50, and $132.50.

Killamazoo Derby Darlins
Kalamazoo County Expo Center, Hazel Gray Room, 2900 Lake St.
killamazooderbydarlins.com

The Killamazoo Derby Girls take to the rink with fast action and hard hitting against the Montreal Derby. This American-invented contact sport has a balance of camp and athleticism and is good fun for everyone. Event is Saturday, April 10, 7 p.m. Tickets at the door are $15, while presale tickets are $10; kids 12 and under are free.

The Undy 5000
East Grand Rapids Middle School, 2425 Lake Drive SE
gazellesports.com, (616) 450-3225

The Undy 5000 is a 5,000-meter walk/run to fight and raise awareness for colon cancer. Participants are encouraged to draw attention to their bottom and participate in their underwear. Dress appropriately, this is an all-ages event, but be creative with your underwear. Event fees are $30, $25 for 5k youth (ages 6-13) for the April 24 event.

2010 Steelcase Duathalon
Steelcase Kentwood Complex, 4360 52 Street
3disciplines.com

This event consists of a staggering 5k run, 30k bike, and another 5k run. The venue is located directly on the Steelcase facility, which is totally flat with fast pavement, beautiful manicured lawns, and nice maintained grounds. The action starts Sunday, April 25 at 10 a.m. and onsite registration is $10.

It's that time of year again for sports fans near and far. The season of Bracketology. Regardless if you're an avid b-ball fan or love the atmosphere of sports bars, REVUE's compiled  a list of places to check out the big games of the March Madness with what to expect upon entering. Click here to download a printable guide or read on below:

Allendale

Main Street Pub
11240 University Pkwy. 
616-895-1234, mainstpub.com

Eight large-screen and eight small-screen TVs. Food and drink specials.

Peppino's Grill & Ristorante Sports Lounge
5065 Lake Michigan Dr.
616-895-1615, peppinospizza.com

More than 25 TVs. Four extra-large projection screens. Plus, a small TV per booth,so you can choose which game to watch. Food and drink specials.

Battle Creek

Ball Joint Sports Bar & Grill
4720 Beckley Rd.
269-979-0080

More than 30 TVs, including one large HD projection screen and six other big screens.

Barney's Bedford Bar
100 Hutchinson Rd.
269-963-6161

Three medium-sized TVs.

Cricket Club
36 West Michigan Ave.
269-963-2725

Griffin Grill & Pub
38 West Michigan Ave.
269-965-7206, griffinbc.com

13 medium-sized TVs. Food and drink specials.

The Irish Pub
883 North Ave.
269-962-5561, theirish-pub.com

One big-screen and five 25" TVs.

Caledonia

Uccello's Ristorante Pizzeria & Sports Lounge
8256 Broadmoor SE 
616-891-5958, uccellos.com

Eight large-screen projection screens and more than 40 small-screen TVs. Draft specials throughout the tournament.

Comstock Park

Vitale's Sports Bar
3868 West River Dr. NE 
616-784-6044, vitalessportsbar.com

Six 110" TV-screens and 30 smaller TVs. Special deals on food and drinks.

Grand Rapids

Bar Louie
3191 28th St. SE,
616-885-9050

10 42" screens. All 20-oz. Budweiser products are $3.

Boston's Restaurant and Sports Bar
2024 Celebration Dr. NE 
616-363-4948

Eight large flat-screens and eight medium-sized TVs. All with ESPN Full Court Package, so every game is viewable.

Brann's Steakhouse & Grille
401 Leonard NW
616-454-9368, branns.com

Three large translucent screens, 20 130" HD projection screens, 15 50" plasma screens, 12 42" plasma screens, and 30 19" TVs. Abundant drink specials during happy hours, 3-6 p.m. and 9 p.m.-close.

Brann's Steakhouse & Grille
5510 28th St. SE
616-285-7800, branns.com

More than 40 TVs with 50-60" screens. ESPN Full Court Package. Abundant drink specials during happy hours, 3-6 p.m. and 9 p.m.-close.

Buffalo Wild Wings
2121 Celebration Dr. NE #100
616-364-2999, buffalowildwings.com

Seven big screen TVs and 35 smaller flat screens. On Mondays and Thursdays enjoy $.50 wings with the games; on Tuesdays enjoy $.45 traditional wings.

Buffalo Wild Wings
2035 28th St. SE
616-241-2999, buffalowildwings.com

Seven large projection screens, one large plasma screen, and 40 smaller TVs. On Mondays and Thursdays enjoy $.50 wings with the games. Drink specials run 3-6 p.m. and 10 p.m.-close.

Florentine Pizzeria Ristorante & Sports Lounge
4261 Kalamazoo Ave. SE
616-455-2230, florentinespizza.com

Eight large projector screens and 44 36" TVs. Food and drink specials.

Holiday Bar
8015th St. NW
616-456-9058

Nine HD 60-inch screens, buckets of beer specials, other food and drink specials.

Joe V's Sports Bar & Pizzeria
526 Stocking Ave. NW 
616-301-2619, joevs.net

Two big-screen and 26 smallscreen TVs. Food and drink specials all day.

McFadden's
58 Ionia Ave. SW
616-454-9105, mcfaddensgrandrapids.com

One large HD projection screen, 12 large flat screens,and 18 other TVs throughout the bar. Food and drink specials available.

Old Chicago
3333 28th St. SE Suite A
616-940-1111, oldchicago.com

Three 50" TVs and eight 30" TVs. Beer specials throughout March Madness.

Peppino's Grill & Ristorante Sports Lounge
130 Ionia Ave. SW
616-456-8444, peppinospizza.com

50 flat screen TVs, daily beer specials, giveaways and brackets.

Smokey Bones Bar & Fire Grill
4875 28th St. SE
616-956-5398, smokeybones.com

29 mid-sized TVs. 

The Score Restaurant & Sports Bar
5301 Northland Dr. NE
616-301-0600, thescorerestaurant.com

52 TVs total, five of which are big projection screens. The rest are 42" TVs and 20" TVs in the booths. Their "Fab Five" food special will be running 11 a.m.-9 p.m.

Uccellos Ristorante Pizzeria & Sports Bar
2630 East Beltline SW
616-954-2002, uccellos.com

Six huge HD projection screens plus 40 other flat screens. Some booths have their own small TV. Food and drink specials available.

Z's Restaurant & Bar
168 Louis Campau Promenade NW
616-454-3141, zsbar.com

Large screen projector.

Holl and Beechwood Inn
380 Douglas Ave.
616-396-2355, bwoodinn.com

Five 40" TVs in the bar. Food and drinks specials.

Brann's Steakhouse & Grille
12234 James St.
616-393-0028, branns.com

Five large HD projection screens and around 25 HD TVs more than 40".

Shooters Sports Bar & Grill
143 Douglas Ave. Suite 3, 616-928-0297

18 TVs ranging from 36" to 42".

Ionia

Olivera's Pizzeria & Sports Pub
119 N. Dexter
616-522-3000, oliverassportspub.com

Five large HD projection screens and about 25 smaller screens. Drink specials throughout March.

Kalamazoo

Big Deal's Sports Bar
338 N. Drake Rd.
269-365-0055, bigdealssportsbar.com

32 HDTVs ranging 36-72". All games are viewable thanks to ESPN Full Court Package. Drink specials are customized according to which teams are playing that day. $5 for a burger and chips.

Buffalo Wild Wings
3317 Stadium Dr.
269-353-9464, buffalowildwings.com

Three large projection screens, four mid-sized TVs, and nine 32" TVs. On Mondays and Thursdays enjoy $.50 wings with the games. Numerous drink specials during extended happy hours, 3-9 p.m.

Center Ice Sports Bar
5076 Sports Dr.
269-488-4500, centericebar.com

Two large projection screens and 12 smaller TVs. Pizza and draft specials.

Main Street Pub
5462 Gull Rd.
269-344-7249, mainstpub.com

Ten large plasma flat screens and eight smaller TVs.

Muskegon

Brann's Steakhouse & Grille
5510 Harvey St. 
231-798-1399, branns.com

Three large projection screens and 40 52" TVs.

Muskegon

Athletic Club Restaurant
333 W. Western Ave.
231-728-4100, muskegonac.com

Three 120" projection screens and five "Video Walls" each with four 50" plasma TVs. Food and drink specials.

Pints & Quarts Pub & Grill
950 West Norton
231-830-9889, pintsandquarts.com

Two 50" TVs and nine 42" TVs. Food and drink specials.

Saugatuck

Spectators Sports Bar & Grill
6432 Blue Star Hwy.
269-857-5001, spectatorsrestaurant.com

28 plasma flat screens ranging from 32-52". Discounts on wings and 16 oz. Miller Lite products are $3.

Walker

Buffalo Wild Wings
3050 Alpine Ave.
616-784-9464, buffalowildwings.com

Seven big projection screens and 42 36" plasmas. On Mondays and Thursdays boneless wings are $.50. Drink specials during happy hours, 3-6 p.m. and 9 p.m-close.

Uccellos Pizzeria & Sports Bar
4787 Lake Michigan Dr.
616-735-5520, uccellos.com

Eight big projection screens, two 96" TVs, and 46 42" TVs. Food and drink specials.

Wyoming

Brann's Steakhouse & Grille
4157 S. Division
616-534-5421, branns.com

Nine large HD projection screens plus 60 other TVs ranging from 36-42". Half-off drinks Sunday-Thursday.

Frankie V's Pizzeria & Sports Lounge
1420 28th St.
616-532-8998, frankievs.com

One giant 14' projection screen, six 100" projection screens, 10 32" TVs around the bar, and eight other TVs around the restaurant. All in HD. Food and drink specials available.

Main Street Pub
1730 28th St. SW
616-532-2510, mainstpub.com

12 TVs ranging from 38-52". Mad drink specials throughout March.

Cindy Timmerman is executive director of the Coopersville Area Chamber of Commerce. Her professional persona aside, she loves potty humor, and apparently so does her town. It's actually known for it.

On the final Saturday of February, the Coopersville-Polkton Fire Department will feature an outhouse parade and race, dubbed the Outhouse 500. It's an event so unique, it garners consistent national media attention, including a piece on Oprah Radio, while copy cats are starting to crop up around the country.

"We give tips and advice to towns all across the country because they want to try holding a similar event," said Timmerman, a volunteer this year who has been instrumental in developing the event.

For the past five years, the event has been put on by the Main Street Merchants Association and the chamber of commerce. Since the economy has gone down the crapper, the event was in peril until the fire department swooped in to save it.

"We're just trying to gain exposure for our downtown," Timmerman said. "In many small towns, January, February and March are really tough months for many businesses."

At the event, contestants vie for bragging rights and small trophies and trinkets by decorating a themed outhouse on wheels and pushing it down Main Street. Prizes are awarded for race winners and outhouse creativity.

Timmerman said one of the most unique entries was a cave outhouse, pushed by cavemen. The raunchiest went to the "Eskimo Pie Hole," an igloo outhouse pushed by Eskimos chucking out Eskimo Pies to the crowd.

"We try not to get too crass, but there is occasionally some fake poo," Timmerman giggled. "We try to keep it PG."

For registration forms and a list of outhouse specifications, visit outhouse500.com.

Outhouse 500
Downtown Coopersville
Feb. 27, 11 a.m.
Free to attend; $30 to register, $45 the week-of
outhouse500.com